BFN #4

Well, there it is. BFN followed only hours later by an unwelcome visit from AF. The good news is, I prepared myself for this yesterday and already went through the mourning phase. The bad news is, it still sucks.

And now, a word about lying. I've actually started to avoid catching up with old friends because I h-a-t-e dealing with the, "Soooo, when are you two going to have kids?!" question. How can I answer that? I don't want to delve into our fertility story with anyone outside of very close friends and family. But, I've also never been much for lying. So, it always creates a bit of an awkward situation. I usually shrug and say something like, "Dunno! We're not quite there yet." When, in my head, I'm screaming, "WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR AGES! WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN!" Of course, this well-intentioned friend has no idea what we're going through and means no harm. It's a simple question. We've been married for almost 4 years; it's time, right?

And it is time. We've always known that we want a family. J is EXCELLENT with kids. I know he's going to make an exceptional father. Neither of us can see a chubby little baby without making an obnoxious noise, noting how cute he or she is. We casually discussed when we wanted kids back in early 2007. We were so arrogant. We had it planned down to the month. "Well, if we have a baby between X-month and X-month, that will be perfect for your work schedule!" Ha. Little did we know. Although, somewhere in my head, I always knew I would be an issue. I knew my periods were irregular, and I knew that couldn't be good.

So, here we are. I'm off to call the nurse and deliver the news. Plan the next step. Then wait.