This week is National Infertility Awareness Week -- check out Resolve for more information!
Many women are asking themselves the question, "What IF?" I found this post particularly poignant: What IF?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
TTC Speak on "Brothers and Sisters"
I'm catching up on last night's episode of Brothers and Sisters and loving the TTC speak. I almost spit out my Gatorade when Kevin said "BFN." And also at his obsession with Dr. Google. Love it.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
No Longer Alone
I am a professional musician. This is absolutely my dream job and I could easily write a 30 page blog post on how blessed I feel to be able to do something I love (and live and breathe for) for a living. When I'm not rehearsing/performing, I'm teaching private lessons, which I also adore.
Last week, during a lesson with a girl who I've taught for over six years, something very fortuitous happened. She is a senior and therefore graduating in a few weeks, so I didn't mind spending some of her lesson just chatting. Somehow we got on the topic of exercise, which led her to divulge to me that she was recently diagnosed with PCOS. Even though PCOS affects nearly 10% of women, I had literally only met one other actual human who has PCOS before now. I immediately told her (even though I usually keep this information somewhat private) that I, too, suffer from the evil monster that is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Her eyes got big and relief seemed to wash over her face. I immediately knew how she was feeling: no longer alone. When I was diagnosed a handful of years ago, I felt very isolated for a while. I felt like no one could understand what I was going through, and I also felt like I could finally put a name with something that had been afflicting me with all sorts of rotten things since my teen years.
My student went on to say that her doctor told her that she may not be able to have children. She told me about crying through Up and Julie and Julia last summer (check, check). My heart broke for her. On one hand, I told her that she is lucky to be diagnosed with this at a young age so that she can better combat the side effects and health problems that can come along with it. On the other had, she is only 18 and will have much of her youth to be carrying this burden with her. I've always said that I wish I would have been diagnosed earlier (before I was 25). But then again, I was blissfully unaware of things to come. J and I had two years together before we even had to deal with numerous appointments, pills, shots, ultrasounds, HSGs, and the rollercoaster ride that is infertility. While it would have been nice to be able to "get crackin" right away and save ourselves some time, I'm actually somewhat thankful for those years. Our future dreams of having children were romantic and carefree. I think we are now better equipped to deal with this reality. If I had the chance to find out earlier, I think the logic-minded side of me would choose to go that route. Luckily, that's not an option. I think things are better this way.
I sent my student an email when I got home from our lesson and offered her my encouragement and an ear anytime she wants to talk. I'm thankful that we landed on that topic of conversation and hope that I can offer her some support in the years to come! And you know what? Even though I wouldn't wish PCOS or IF on my worst enemy, it was kind of nice to get to talk to another PCOS'er face to face.
Last week, during a lesson with a girl who I've taught for over six years, something very fortuitous happened. She is a senior and therefore graduating in a few weeks, so I didn't mind spending some of her lesson just chatting. Somehow we got on the topic of exercise, which led her to divulge to me that she was recently diagnosed with PCOS. Even though PCOS affects nearly 10% of women, I had literally only met one other actual human who has PCOS before now. I immediately told her (even though I usually keep this information somewhat private) that I, too, suffer from the evil monster that is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. Her eyes got big and relief seemed to wash over her face. I immediately knew how she was feeling: no longer alone. When I was diagnosed a handful of years ago, I felt very isolated for a while. I felt like no one could understand what I was going through, and I also felt like I could finally put a name with something that had been afflicting me with all sorts of rotten things since my teen years.
My student went on to say that her doctor told her that she may not be able to have children. She told me about crying through Up and Julie and Julia last summer (check, check). My heart broke for her. On one hand, I told her that she is lucky to be diagnosed with this at a young age so that she can better combat the side effects and health problems that can come along with it. On the other had, she is only 18 and will have much of her youth to be carrying this burden with her. I've always said that I wish I would have been diagnosed earlier (before I was 25). But then again, I was blissfully unaware of things to come. J and I had two years together before we even had to deal with numerous appointments, pills, shots, ultrasounds, HSGs, and the rollercoaster ride that is infertility. While it would have been nice to be able to "get crackin" right away and save ourselves some time, I'm actually somewhat thankful for those years. Our future dreams of having children were romantic and carefree. I think we are now better equipped to deal with this reality. If I had the chance to find out earlier, I think the logic-minded side of me would choose to go that route. Luckily, that's not an option. I think things are better this way.
I sent my student an email when I got home from our lesson and offered her my encouragement and an ear anytime she wants to talk. I'm thankful that we landed on that topic of conversation and hope that I can offer her some support in the years to come! And you know what? Even though I wouldn't wish PCOS or IF on my worst enemy, it was kind of nice to get to talk to another PCOS'er face to face.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Coming Out of the Infertility Closet
I just came across a fantastic post from Kate over at Busted Plumbing called It's Time To Come Out of the (Infertility) Closet. Check it out!
I'm not sure that I'm ready to come out to all of Facebook, but only because I'm afraid (and a bit selfish). I wish more women would be open and honest about IF so that (see my previous post) we wouldn't all feel so darn alone! I suppose it's something to consider.
I'm not sure that I'm ready to come out to all of Facebook, but only because I'm afraid (and a bit selfish). I wish more women would be open and honest about IF so that (see my previous post) we wouldn't all feel so darn alone! I suppose it's something to consider.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Three mature follies!
Bright and early this morning, J and I had our second mid-cycle ultrasound. Our two favorite nurses were there, which is always a plus. They are fun, caring, light-hearted, empathetic, flippin' fantastic women that truly make this journey much more bearable. I like to think that we are their favorite patients :) When I finally get pregnant, we are going to have to come up with a suitable way of thanking them for their months (years) of hard work. Fruit basket? Cookie bouquet? Gift card to local restaurant? Something. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And hopefully we'll come to it soon!
Anyway, on to the news! This has definitely been our best cycle yet! I have two solid follicles (21.5 and 20.5!) and one that is nearly there (17.5) that hopefully will grow to maturity by the time I ovulate. My estrogen level is 733pg/ml. We are elated with these results. Maybe this month will be our month! My brother, E, is getting married in June and has been joking with me that we're clearly trying to steal his thunder. But in actuality, I think he might be in the front of the line for the person who would be the most excited with a positive pregnancy test, after J and I of course!
Anyway, on to the news! This has definitely been our best cycle yet! I have two solid follicles (21.5 and 20.5!) and one that is nearly there (17.5) that hopefully will grow to maturity by the time I ovulate. My estrogen level is 733pg/ml. We are elated with these results. Maybe this month will be our month! My brother, E, is getting married in June and has been joking with me that we're clearly trying to steal his thunder. But in actuality, I think he might be in the front of the line for the person who would be the most excited with a positive pregnancy test, after J and I of course!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Mid-Cycle Scan
Today we had our mid-cycle (CD 8) ultrasound and bloodwork. Everything seems to be going well so far! My estrogen was at 288 and I had several follicles that seem to be chugging along nicely. My lead follicle is at 17.5mm and I had six or seven in the 9-14mm range. We're going back on Wednesday to check the progress. My hope is that a few of the smaller follies will catch up a bit and be mature by the time we trigger. I have never had more than two mature follies, so it would be really nice (although perhaps improbable?) to have several.
Which begs the question: TTC'ers that may be reading this, have you ever gone against your RE's orders? Or, to put it in less severe terms, chosen to up your Follistim dosage towards the end of a cycle for an extra boost? I know -- talk about the "gasp" heard around the world. I haven't done this before, but I won't say that I'm above it. I trust my RE and realize that he, unlike me, has somewhat of a medical degree. One might even go as far as to say that he is more knowledgeable on the subject of TTC than I. But it's tempting, right? We have had several cycles that have resulted in one or two mature (17-19mm) follicles and have been instructed to abstain from Follistim that evening and trigger the next afternoon. Every time this happens, I wish our RE would be slightly more aggressive. Because really, if I'm not pregnant this cycle, IVF is lurking in my near future, so J and I are ready to go balls out. We made this clear to the nurses, who seemed to understand. But what happens if later this week we find ourselves in a similar position to last cycles? Is there any harm in giving myself just a tiny bit of extra Follistim? I can't believe I'm even admitting to this craziness and lack of faith in a trained professional. Who am I to assume I know better, right? I suppose that at this point, I'm just ready to take a small (safe) risk. Maybe.
In other news, J and I are cautiously optimistic about this cycle. This is almost harder for me to admit than my thoughts of self-medication, as I'd hate to jinx myself. I have to admit, though, that I've been feeling really good this month. I haven't been freaking out, over-analyzing, worrying, stressing, or feeling prematurely defeated. Instead, I'm hopeful. This is a dangerous game I'm playing, but I think I'm going to try to stay positive and just see how things play out. To be continued...
Which begs the question: TTC'ers that may be reading this, have you ever gone against your RE's orders? Or, to put it in less severe terms, chosen to up your Follistim dosage towards the end of a cycle for an extra boost? I know -- talk about the "gasp" heard around the world. I haven't done this before, but I won't say that I'm above it. I trust my RE and realize that he, unlike me, has somewhat of a medical degree. One might even go as far as to say that he is more knowledgeable on the subject of TTC than I. But it's tempting, right? We have had several cycles that have resulted in one or two mature (17-19mm) follicles and have been instructed to abstain from Follistim that evening and trigger the next afternoon. Every time this happens, I wish our RE would be slightly more aggressive. Because really, if I'm not pregnant this cycle, IVF is lurking in my near future, so J and I are ready to go balls out. We made this clear to the nurses, who seemed to understand. But what happens if later this week we find ourselves in a similar position to last cycles? Is there any harm in giving myself just a tiny bit of extra Follistim? I can't believe I'm even admitting to this craziness and lack of faith in a trained professional. Who am I to assume I know better, right? I suppose that at this point, I'm just ready to take a small (safe) risk. Maybe.
In other news, J and I are cautiously optimistic about this cycle. This is almost harder for me to admit than my thoughts of self-medication, as I'd hate to jinx myself. I have to admit, though, that I've been feeling really good this month. I haven't been freaking out, over-analyzing, worrying, stressing, or feeling prematurely defeated. Instead, I'm hopeful. This is a dangerous game I'm playing, but I think I'm going to try to stay positive and just see how things play out. To be continued...
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"Let's get back on that horse!"
...said J, and I agree. We are both more than ready to try again! We were actually afraid that we wouldn't even be able to start trying again until late June because of various travel plans, but my blessed period showed up this week, which means we get to give it another go right away!
(P.S. I don't want to brag, but that is the 5th period in a row that has shown up on its own within 22-33 days of the last one. That's right. Color me normal!)
RE is having us do another Follistim-only cycle (175mg/day). Unfortunately, this is getting to be very pricey. Back in the blissful, carefree days of Clomid, each cycle only cost us around $400-$500. This will be our most expensive cycle yet at a whopping $2,600 (minimum). That is assuming we will only need three ultrasounds, which isn't necessarily the case. We also received a hospital bill today for $535 for last month's HSG and may also be receiving a bill from RE's office. Our savings are beginning to run dry. But if we were to get pregnant, it would absolutely be worth every penny!
Speaking of babies, J and I spotted the unicorn of the land of infertility this morning: a baby at RE's office! A couple sitting next to us in the waiting room brought their 6 month old sweet little girl. I laughed and joked with them that a baby isn't something you see very often in that office! I must say, though, it was quite refreshing and provided us with a smile and a bit of hope.
(P.S. I don't want to brag, but that is the 5th period in a row that has shown up on its own within 22-33 days of the last one. That's right. Color me normal!)
RE is having us do another Follistim-only cycle (175mg/day). Unfortunately, this is getting to be very pricey. Back in the blissful, carefree days of Clomid, each cycle only cost us around $400-$500. This will be our most expensive cycle yet at a whopping $2,600 (minimum). That is assuming we will only need three ultrasounds, which isn't necessarily the case. We also received a hospital bill today for $535 for last month's HSG and may also be receiving a bill from RE's office. Our savings are beginning to run dry. But if we were to get pregnant, it would absolutely be worth every penny!
Speaking of babies, J and I spotted the unicorn of the land of infertility this morning: a baby at RE's office! A couple sitting next to us in the waiting room brought their 6 month old sweet little girl. I laughed and joked with them that a baby isn't something you see very often in that office! I must say, though, it was quite refreshing and provided us with a smile and a bit of hope.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter Egg Hunt!
Lisa over at Waiting Lisa gave me a fabulous idea. Since J and I don't yet have children of our own and our adorable nieces live over three hours away, we don't usually get to take part in fun festivities like Easter egg hunts. So, why not make one for J? He was out of town this weekend -- okay, I should back up. He was out if town in Windsor, Ontario with a few guy friends. CURLING. As in, the Winter Olympic sport. He had a great time! What a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, right? That is, if you're American.
Anyway, he was out of town, so I had all weekend to plot and plan. I put together an Easter egg hunt for him around our house. J has a serious sweet tooth, so it wasn't difficult coming up with little sweet treats to hide!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)