I've been avoiding writing this post. I've been avoiding even thinking about our TTC future because it scares the daylights out of me.
Last week after we had to cancel our IUI cycle, I called the nurses and asked them to be very frank with me. They've known J and I for a few years now and I wanted their honest opinion. I asked them, "If it were you, what would you do, knowing what you know?" They uttered those three letters that I've been dreading: IVF. It's not that IUI can't work for us, but it's a gamble. If we try a few more IUI cycles and don't have any success, we may as well have paid for IVF. I've been told that because I have PCOS, I'm tricky, and my RE can better control my body and our outcome with IVF than with a straight injectible cycle.
I was hoping that we would never get to this point, though. It terrifies me. It's a crap ton of money and will take a real toll on my body. Four or five different kinds of injections, four or five different kinds of pills. Ultrasounds. Bloodwork. Retrieval. Transfer. Emotional rollercoaster. What if it doesn't work.
I'm not quite ready to deal with this. I think IVF will probably be the direction we go in next, but not yet. Neither of us are ready. We are out of strength. Out of morale. Out of fight. We need some time. We want some time. Time to be ourselves, time to enjoy our lives, time to be normal. When we're ready, we'll move forward. Thankfully, we're both very united on this issue.
In the meantime, we may also go somewhere else for a second opinion. Does anyone have a fantastic RE in Ind.ian.apol.is that they would recommend?
I'm terrified of IVF too, but mine's a money thing. The thought of spending all that if it works is fine. If it didn't work, that's a whole nother ball game. A second opinion never hurts. I didn't know you were in Indy - love that city! The mall was super cool with the walkways over the downtown streets.
ReplyDeleteMy friend, I remember perfectly well when we got the call from the clinic that told us Mike's SA was very poor and that we should go straight to ICSI (not even IVF). I was only ready for IUI, I think I nearly passed out on the couch...But eventually you do get used to the idea, and it becomes a little less scary. And we did three full cycle. It's not easy, but it's duable. Much love, Fran
ReplyDeleteI really feel like there should be some sort of money-back guarantee.
ReplyDeleteU already know howni feel about this but I will say it again: I know many people who have done IVF and are fine. Pregnancy will do much worse on ur body than IVF will. If some time of is what u need, go for it. It's ur dream girl, whatever it takes. Love u
ReplyDelete