J and I are on a wonderful vacation. Perhaps a lovely Mexican resort, you ask? Nope. Just a vacation from TTC. A much needed vacation, as it turns out.
As I mentioned in a recent post, I haven't been this relaxed in quite some time. I'm remembering what it feels like to be normal again. My only fear? It feels really great. I'm not anxious to board that train again anytime soon.
When J and I first started trying to conceive back in 2008, I couldn't fathom taking a break. Why would you take a break? Why not keep charging ahead? Time's a' wastin'! Shows what I knew. J and I really hit a breaking point last month and we both realized that a break was absolutely necessary for our sanity.
But what if I want to stay in Oz forever?
I shared my fears with a friend recently. Two friends, actually. They went through all of the TTC/IF crap that we've gone through and more. After one IVF cycle, they finally became pregnant and are expecting in a couple of weeks! I'm beyond thrilled for them. Anyway, they had Follistim left over and donated it to our cause, saving us a LOT of money. So, to thank them, we took them to a tasty local restaurant last week. On the way there, I spilled my guts. Confessed my feelings of current ambivalence to trying again. My friend calmed my fears, for the most part. He said that they reached a similar point and actually cancelled a previous IVF cycle due to a minor meltdown over those very feelings. (Thank GOD! I'm not crazy or alone!) They ended up taking a few months off, gained some perspective and clarity, and eventually tried again (and succeeded). He advised that we do the same -- follow our hearts, listen to our feelings, don't jump into anything before we feel absolutely ready. I really look up to these friends -- they are older, wiser, and have been through the IF wringer. So, coming from them, this advice meant a lot.
It's odd, though. This has been such an intense focal point in my life for the past handful of years and taking a vacation from it altogether makes me feel like a part of myself is missing. It's somewhat unsettling. Leave it to me to spend a mental vacation worrying about the vacation itself.
Sounds like your vacation from your problems is much needed and well deserved. Great idea. I hope you come out of it feeling better and ready for the next step...whatever that might be :)
ReplyDeleteI agree that you are not alone. For us taking a break was not really an option as I wasn't as young as you, but in your case it'll do you a world of good! Love, Fran
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