Today was my post-op appointment with Dr. G. J and I were shocked and amazed when he came in at 11:35 for our 11:30 appointment. Dr. G isn't exactly know for his punctuality, so it was nice to get in and out of there in a timely manner today.
As I expected, he said my incisions looked great. I'm feeling virtually back to normal. He showed us before-and-after pictures of all of my insides, which was kind of awesome. How often do you get to look at pictures of your uterus, ovaries, kidneys, and fallopian tubes? We also saw pictures of my (fairly mild) endometriosis before it was removed.
Then, onto the next plan. Dr. G asked us if we wanted to take 3 to 4 months and just "see what happens." Uh, NO! Absolutely not! We are 2 1/2 years in and have had to take breaks this year for the HSG and Lap -- we're tired of breaks. We're ready to get back on the horse! So, we decided to move on with IUI. Until now, we've always done timed intercourse (which is just as exciting and spontaneous as it sounds), so we are hoping that IUI will increase our chances a bit. That plus the Lap and freshly flushed tubes = our best chance yet, right?
A note on timed intercourse. We are both beyond okay with moving on from that. J and I used to be dead set on trying to get pregnant just like "normal" people. We wanted to feel like we did things as naturally as possible and get pregnant the "normal" way -- by having sex! Plus the help of drugs and many ultrasounds, sure, but at the end of the day, sperm meets egg. You know what? We're over that. It was a lovely dream, but at this point, bring on the more advanced tactics. To tell you the truth, we're tired of sex being a means to an end. When it's "timed intercourse," it's not fun. It's not sexy. It's not exciting. It's a job, plain and simple. Plus, IUI takes the guess work out of the process and puts it into the hands of professionals.
So, once my next period starts, full speed ahead with IUI! Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe it's the same spiel as before -- Follistim 175mg, frequent ultrasounds, trigger shot, and then into the office for the procedure.
This all sounds great, right? Right. So why did I cry all the way home from our appointment? Why do I feel stressed, overwhelmed, pessimistic, and sad? I suppose after 2 1/2 years and seven failed medicated cycles, it's hard to keep believing that we'll ever get there. But as J keeps telling me, this should be our best chance yet. Our last cycle looked great on paper, and our chances should only improve. I need to take a deep breath and relax. Maybe this could be our time! Dr. G joked with us on the way out that hopefully we won't get "more than two" out of the deal. J's response to that is always, "Two beats zero!" He's right. The thought of multiples is a bit frightening, but it always beats zero! We just want a baby. Or babies. We're ready.
I was exactly the same way and somedays I still feel a loss that I won't ever have a baby the "normal" (or old fashioned as I call it) way. But it does get easier and it helps me to think that 50 years ago, they didn't even have these procedures. And when it comes right down to it, kids don't want to think that their parents ever had sex so my husband and I joke that in our case we can tell them they weren't made that way! :-)
ReplyDeleteHUGE HUGS for you!!! And GOOD LUCK for this cycle!!!! :-D :-D :-D Just dropping by here from Stirrup Queen's Bloglist.
ReplyDeleteYou're stressed because it's stressful, even if things are looking up. I can't imagine going through this, and you're doing such an amazing job. Cry when you need to cry!
ReplyDeleteYour post made me cry.....I know how you feel and I think it MAY have pushed me to talk to C about the same thing. I really want a baby or babies as you put it. I have my fingers crossed for you and feel really good about it. Christine is right, right when you need to, you can't keep all of that trapped inside. Hugs to you on J on the journey of this cycle.
ReplyDeleteAt this point in my TTC with IF journey, I definitely understand the post- appointment tears. Each cycle there seems to be so much more at stake. Like you, I have a lot of cycles when we aren't trying, either because of surgery recovery or because my partner is away for work (we live in a smallish town, and our clinic doesn't have the ability to freeze his sperm for IUI's while he is away). We are supposed to start our first IUI cycle as soon as we can ensure that my partner's work schedule allows him to be here, but I am starting to look into nearby clinics that can freeze a sample or two just in case.
ReplyDeleteIt just seems like with IF a plan is both reassuring and overwhelming. And I hate thinking, "well, all it takes it one right sperm meeting one right egg." Why is that so hard, when there are so many other steps occurring to ensure it?
Glad your surgery went well!
AAS