Minor freak-out at the thought of surgery. Help?

After doing some minor research about my upcoming Laparoscopy, I'm having a minor freak-out. I've never been too keen on surgery -- the whole thing creeps me out. Intubation (YIKES), an IV, incisions in my abdomen, recovery time, etc.

If you're had one before, what's it like? Hopefully you can talk me down a bit? Not excited.

Now for some good news!

I've lost 15 pounds!!

BCP and Laparoscopy

Slight change of plans. First of all, my periods have been really out of whack lately, so RE is going to put me on BCP for a month or so to straighten things out. Sounds like a good idea to me, as I'm currently going for some sort of record with a 14 day long period (and counting).

Secondly, after learning that my Mom had minor Endometriosis in her twenties, RE (or, rather, one of the nurses) advised that I have a Laparoscopy. It is an outpatient diagnostic/corrective surgery for Endometriosis, scar tissue, and/or cysts. It seems to be a last ditch effort to find anything that could be causing my infertility issues. If there is anything there, hopefully he can correct it.

Assuming the surgery is successful and nothing major is discovered, we will take a month off and then continue with our plans of IUI. So, if all goes to plan, we'll be going ahead with the IUI in a handful of months. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE WAITING?!?

My concern is cost. RE's office advise that it should be covered by insurance, as it is diagnostic. Right. Our insurance covered about half of the HSG after some fighting and many phone calls. Hopefully they'll cover at least a large portion of this. Google has given me costs anywhere from $1,500 to $15,000. UGH. Not incredibly jazzed about this, or the procedure in general.

I mean, I guess this is a good idea, right? Hopefully rule out Endometriosis and get everything in there all spiffed up for future TTC'ing? But I have to tell you, the thought of having a surgery (albeit, minor) and waiting 2-3 months until we can try IUI makes me want to swallow my own fist. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Why can't this be EASY for us? Why can't we be one of those couples who gets pregnant after a night of drunken irresponsibility? Or even a couple months of blissful, naive TTC? I think I'm reaching a tipping point again where I feel like this process is entirely too stressful and overwhelming. The problem is, avoiding the process only delays (or gets rid of altogether) the possibility of us getting the one thing we want: a baby. Infertility is bullshit.

I'm really trying to stay positive, some days are just harder than others.

Plan H

We have a new plan in our hot little hands! Our RE has been out of town for the past couple of weeks, so today was the first time we could meet with him since we found out we weren't pregnant at the beginning of May. After reviewing our last cycle, he presented us with three options:

1. Laparoscopy (minor surgery) to test for Endometriosis, which may be covered by insurance. However, I've never had painful periods -- in fact, mine are usually rather mild, especially when I'm not drugged up for fertility purposes. So, it's not likely that I have Endometriosis and he thinks this would probably be unnecessary.

2. IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) -- Our last cycle (Follistim + timed intercourse) was, on paper, very successful. Our most successful cycle by far with three mature follies. With IUI, we would essentially do the same thing as far as drugs and preparation, but instead of timed intercourse, we could go into the RE's office and they would inseminate me with J's washed, prepared sperm. This would give us a 5-10% higher chance than timed intercourse alone, according to RE. AND, it only costs about $400 more! At this point, that seems like a drop in the bucket.

3. IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization) -- This is hardcore, people. According to the handout we received, it would cost between $11,000 and $15,000. The advantage is that RE can be even more aggressive with our medications, as he knows he will be retrieving the eggs and doesn't run as high a risk of overstimulating and having to cancel the cycle (or warn us of the possibility of crazy multiples). And I believe because they are essentially fertilizing my eggs and then just hoping they "take," the chances would be increased substantially. That is how I interpreted it, anyway. Where it falls on the price and invasive scale is a whole 'nother ball of wax, compared to what we've been doing.

After a whirlwind 8 minute discussion with him, we decided on IUI. We're not ruling out the possibility of IVF down the road, but for now, we're really like to give IUI a fair shake. RE was very happy with our last cycle, as were we. Assuming we have similar results this time, the IUI procedure can only increase our chances. We're both pleased and excited about this decision. We will move forward with this after my brother's wedding in June. Speaking of which, we will be spending a week with our closest family and friends in Orlando (for the wedding), which we're both very excited about. My family has gone to Orlando (and, therefore, Disney World) almost every year since I've been alive, so it's like a second home for us! REALLY can't wait.

Is skim milk my enemy?

I've read several articles and blog posts lately that claim skim milk (or any low fat milk) isn't good for women with PCOS. I've been a skim-drinker for most of my life, but would be willing to make the switch to 2%. Any thoughts on this, fellow PCOS'ers?

What the...?

Friends and family: TMI alert! Proceed with caution.

J and I got our BFN 12 days ago in the form of my period. So, you can imagine my surprise when AF seemed to arrive again today, less than a week after the last one ended. What in the world?! Sure, my periods tend to be shorter when I'm on fertility drugs, but ...

A. I'm not on any drugs right now.
B. 12 days??

Help me out here, people. What is the deal?

Babies

Have you seen the trailer for the upcoming movie Babies? It is right up my alley: a documentary that tells the story of every day people (specifically, four babies and their parents). I'm dying to see it, but also not sure that I can stomach it right now. I (quietly) cried through part of Cirque du Soleil: Love last weekend when children were featured. Am I ready for a movie that focuses on a dream I've been chasing for 2 1/2 years? Not sure. Maybe someday, when we are in a better place, J and I can see it together.

Another one bites the dust.

We got some bad news today -- yet another (definite) BFN. J and I shared some tears yesterday and are working on crawling our way out of bummerville. We made an appointment to meet with our RE in a few weeks to discuss our next course of action. The last time we saw him was over six months ago and we definitely think it's time to meet with him face to face. One of the nurses instructed us to come "armed with questions," so we will be working on compiling a list.

I'm terrified that our next step will be in vitro. I don't feel ready for that enormous leap. But then again, it's been almost 2.5 years since we started trying to have a baby and we are both beyond ready to have some success.

Womp.

11 days past trigger, negative HPT. Not lookin' good, folks.

Two Week Wait

Enough said.