I just came across a fantastic post from Kate over at Busted Plumbing called It's Time To Come Out of the (Infertility) Closet. Check it out!
I'm not sure that I'm ready to come out to all of Facebook, but only because I'm afraid (and a bit selfish). I wish more women would be open and honest about IF so that (see my previous post) we wouldn't all feel so darn alone! I suppose it's something to consider.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Three mature follies!
Bright and early this morning, J and I had our second mid-cycle ultrasound. Our two favorite nurses were there, which is always a plus. They are fun, caring, light-hearted, empathetic, flippin' fantastic women that truly make this journey much more bearable. I like to think that we are their favorite patients :) When I finally get pregnant, we are going to have to come up with a suitable way of thanking them for their months (years) of hard work. Fruit basket? Cookie bouquet? Gift card to local restaurant? Something. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And hopefully we'll come to it soon!
Anyway, on to the news! This has definitely been our best cycle yet! I have two solid follicles (21.5 and 20.5!) and one that is nearly there (17.5) that hopefully will grow to maturity by the time I ovulate. My estrogen level is 733pg/ml. We are elated with these results. Maybe this month will be our month! My brother, E, is getting married in June and has been joking with me that we're clearly trying to steal his thunder. But in actuality, I think he might be in the front of the line for the person who would be the most excited with a positive pregnancy test, after J and I of course!
Anyway, on to the news! This has definitely been our best cycle yet! I have two solid follicles (21.5 and 20.5!) and one that is nearly there (17.5) that hopefully will grow to maturity by the time I ovulate. My estrogen level is 733pg/ml. We are elated with these results. Maybe this month will be our month! My brother, E, is getting married in June and has been joking with me that we're clearly trying to steal his thunder. But in actuality, I think he might be in the front of the line for the person who would be the most excited with a positive pregnancy test, after J and I of course!
Monday, April 19, 2010
Mid-Cycle Scan
Today we had our mid-cycle (CD 8) ultrasound and bloodwork. Everything seems to be going well so far! My estrogen was at 288 and I had several follicles that seem to be chugging along nicely. My lead follicle is at 17.5mm and I had six or seven in the 9-14mm range. We're going back on Wednesday to check the progress. My hope is that a few of the smaller follies will catch up a bit and be mature by the time we trigger. I have never had more than two mature follies, so it would be really nice (although perhaps improbable?) to have several.
Which begs the question: TTC'ers that may be reading this, have you ever gone against your RE's orders? Or, to put it in less severe terms, chosen to up your Follistim dosage towards the end of a cycle for an extra boost? I know -- talk about the "gasp" heard around the world. I haven't done this before, but I won't say that I'm above it. I trust my RE and realize that he, unlike me, has somewhat of a medical degree. One might even go as far as to say that he is more knowledgeable on the subject of TTC than I. But it's tempting, right? We have had several cycles that have resulted in one or two mature (17-19mm) follicles and have been instructed to abstain from Follistim that evening and trigger the next afternoon. Every time this happens, I wish our RE would be slightly more aggressive. Because really, if I'm not pregnant this cycle, IVF is lurking in my near future, so J and I are ready to go balls out. We made this clear to the nurses, who seemed to understand. But what happens if later this week we find ourselves in a similar position to last cycles? Is there any harm in giving myself just a tiny bit of extra Follistim? I can't believe I'm even admitting to this craziness and lack of faith in a trained professional. Who am I to assume I know better, right? I suppose that at this point, I'm just ready to take a small (safe) risk. Maybe.
In other news, J and I are cautiously optimistic about this cycle. This is almost harder for me to admit than my thoughts of self-medication, as I'd hate to jinx myself. I have to admit, though, that I've been feeling really good this month. I haven't been freaking out, over-analyzing, worrying, stressing, or feeling prematurely defeated. Instead, I'm hopeful. This is a dangerous game I'm playing, but I think I'm going to try to stay positive and just see how things play out. To be continued...
Which begs the question: TTC'ers that may be reading this, have you ever gone against your RE's orders? Or, to put it in less severe terms, chosen to up your Follistim dosage towards the end of a cycle for an extra boost? I know -- talk about the "gasp" heard around the world. I haven't done this before, but I won't say that I'm above it. I trust my RE and realize that he, unlike me, has somewhat of a medical degree. One might even go as far as to say that he is more knowledgeable on the subject of TTC than I. But it's tempting, right? We have had several cycles that have resulted in one or two mature (17-19mm) follicles and have been instructed to abstain from Follistim that evening and trigger the next afternoon. Every time this happens, I wish our RE would be slightly more aggressive. Because really, if I'm not pregnant this cycle, IVF is lurking in my near future, so J and I are ready to go balls out. We made this clear to the nurses, who seemed to understand. But what happens if later this week we find ourselves in a similar position to last cycles? Is there any harm in giving myself just a tiny bit of extra Follistim? I can't believe I'm even admitting to this craziness and lack of faith in a trained professional. Who am I to assume I know better, right? I suppose that at this point, I'm just ready to take a small (safe) risk. Maybe.
In other news, J and I are cautiously optimistic about this cycle. This is almost harder for me to admit than my thoughts of self-medication, as I'd hate to jinx myself. I have to admit, though, that I've been feeling really good this month. I haven't been freaking out, over-analyzing, worrying, stressing, or feeling prematurely defeated. Instead, I'm hopeful. This is a dangerous game I'm playing, but I think I'm going to try to stay positive and just see how things play out. To be continued...
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
"Let's get back on that horse!"
...said J, and I agree. We are both more than ready to try again! We were actually afraid that we wouldn't even be able to start trying again until late June because of various travel plans, but my blessed period showed up this week, which means we get to give it another go right away!
(P.S. I don't want to brag, but that is the 5th period in a row that has shown up on its own within 22-33 days of the last one. That's right. Color me normal!)
RE is having us do another Follistim-only cycle (175mg/day). Unfortunately, this is getting to be very pricey. Back in the blissful, carefree days of Clomid, each cycle only cost us around $400-$500. This will be our most expensive cycle yet at a whopping $2,600 (minimum). That is assuming we will only need three ultrasounds, which isn't necessarily the case. We also received a hospital bill today for $535 for last month's HSG and may also be receiving a bill from RE's office. Our savings are beginning to run dry. But if we were to get pregnant, it would absolutely be worth every penny!
Speaking of babies, J and I spotted the unicorn of the land of infertility this morning: a baby at RE's office! A couple sitting next to us in the waiting room brought their 6 month old sweet little girl. I laughed and joked with them that a baby isn't something you see very often in that office! I must say, though, it was quite refreshing and provided us with a smile and a bit of hope.
(P.S. I don't want to brag, but that is the 5th period in a row that has shown up on its own within 22-33 days of the last one. That's right. Color me normal!)
RE is having us do another Follistim-only cycle (175mg/day). Unfortunately, this is getting to be very pricey. Back in the blissful, carefree days of Clomid, each cycle only cost us around $400-$500. This will be our most expensive cycle yet at a whopping $2,600 (minimum). That is assuming we will only need three ultrasounds, which isn't necessarily the case. We also received a hospital bill today for $535 for last month's HSG and may also be receiving a bill from RE's office. Our savings are beginning to run dry. But if we were to get pregnant, it would absolutely be worth every penny!
Speaking of babies, J and I spotted the unicorn of the land of infertility this morning: a baby at RE's office! A couple sitting next to us in the waiting room brought their 6 month old sweet little girl. I laughed and joked with them that a baby isn't something you see very often in that office! I must say, though, it was quite refreshing and provided us with a smile and a bit of hope.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Easter Egg Hunt!
Lisa over at Waiting Lisa gave me a fabulous idea. Since J and I don't yet have children of our own and our adorable nieces live over three hours away, we don't usually get to take part in fun festivities like Easter egg hunts. So, why not make one for J? He was out of town this weekend -- okay, I should back up. He was out if town in Windsor, Ontario with a few guy friends. CURLING. As in, the Winter Olympic sport. He had a great time! What a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, right? That is, if you're American.
Anyway, he was out of town, so I had all weekend to plot and plan. I put together an Easter egg hunt for him around our house. J has a serious sweet tooth, so it wasn't difficult coming up with little sweet treats to hide!
Monday, March 29, 2010
New Plan!
The nurse called me back this afternoon. All is fixed! I'm not sure what happened with our RE before, but he reviewed our charts again (or perhaps for the first time?) and made a correction. Next cycle, we will essentially do the same thing we tried in January, but with a higher dose of Follistim (175mg). I'm pleased with this! We had decent results in January, so hopefully the added boost of some extra Follistim will do the trick. I'm hoping for a couple more solid follicles this time. This will be our 7th medicated cycle -- hopefully 7th time's the charm! Fingers crossed!!
Say whaaaa?
One of the lovely nurses from RE's office called this morning. She confirmed that our HSG was completely normal, which is great news! She then proceeded to fill me in on our next plan of action. It went a little something like this:
-----------------
Nurse: Dr. G wants to try another round of Follistim and Femara, but this time increase your Follistim dose to 125.
Me: Uh, last time he took me off Femara because in past cycles it was keeping my estrogen levels too low. Also, my last Follistim dose was 150.
Nurse: OH! Uh, yeah, you're right. (kind of stutters nervously about how RE gets caught up moving so quickly in his method of madness, she'll talk to him again and call me back)
-----------------
WHAT?! First of all, we have been seeing this RE for over a year but have only seen him twice. Is this normal? He has four offices scattered around Indi.ana and, therefore, doesn't seem to be in town very often. And secondly, this isn't the first time I have had to correct his mistake or recommend a course of action. For instance, a few months ago, J and I requested to have an actual visit with him and came armed with a list of questions. One of my questions was why my estrogen levels seemed to be so low. He nonchalantly looked at my chart, agreed that they were a bit low, and decided we should drop Femara. After that cycle, my estrogen went through the roof (in a good way). Great, right? Sure, except for the fact that we felt like the only reason he thought to make that change is because we asked about it. I understand the need to be proactive, but is it too much to ask that our RE gets to know us a bit better and takes the time to really consider the best course of treatment for us? And that he doesn't make silly mistakes like this morning? I mean, had I not been paying attention, we would have repeated the kind of cycle that proved not to work twice before because of his clerical error.
So, we're going to wait to hear back from the nurse and go from there. I would hate to leave this office -- not because of the RE himself, but because of the two fabulous nurses that we actually deal with on the phone and in person.
-----------------
Nurse: Dr. G wants to try another round of Follistim and Femara, but this time increase your Follistim dose to 125.
Me: Uh, last time he took me off Femara because in past cycles it was keeping my estrogen levels too low. Also, my last Follistim dose was 150.
Nurse: OH! Uh, yeah, you're right. (kind of stutters nervously about how RE gets caught up moving so quickly in his method of madness, she'll talk to him again and call me back)
-----------------
WHAT?! First of all, we have been seeing this RE for over a year but have only seen him twice. Is this normal? He has four offices scattered around Indi.ana and, therefore, doesn't seem to be in town very often. And secondly, this isn't the first time I have had to correct his mistake or recommend a course of action. For instance, a few months ago, J and I requested to have an actual visit with him and came armed with a list of questions. One of my questions was why my estrogen levels seemed to be so low. He nonchalantly looked at my chart, agreed that they were a bit low, and decided we should drop Femara. After that cycle, my estrogen went through the roof (in a good way). Great, right? Sure, except for the fact that we felt like the only reason he thought to make that change is because we asked about it. I understand the need to be proactive, but is it too much to ask that our RE gets to know us a bit better and takes the time to really consider the best course of treatment for us? And that he doesn't make silly mistakes like this morning? I mean, had I not been paying attention, we would have repeated the kind of cycle that proved not to work twice before because of his clerical error.
So, we're going to wait to hear back from the nurse and go from there. I would hate to leave this office -- not because of the RE himself, but because of the two fabulous nurses that we actually deal with on the phone and in person.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Daydreams
I don't allow myself to daydream. Anytime a vision of J and I tickling a laughing, smiling baby appears in my head, I stomp it out immediately. Before we started TTC and I was blissfully unaware of my (insert harsh expletives) PCOS, I spent hours dreaming of babies. Everything short of stuffing a pillow under my shirt, really. And now? I don't even let myself get to the part of the daydream when we announce the news to our families. Is this normal? Is it self-preservation or punishment? Infertility is hard enough as it is. I think that allowing myself to slip deep into these daydreams would only make the thing I'm (we're) missing more palpable. On the other hand, if J and I are ever lucky enough to get pregnant, I suppose we will appreciate that miracle more than we ever would have if we didn't have to fight as hard as we have to get there.
Yoga: Safe during ovulation?
My RE's office recommends that I abstain from practicing yoga once I've triggered ovulation (Novarel). They want me to take it easy, which I understand, but yoga? Is that really considered to be strenuous exercise? Curious to hear your thoughts!
Sunday, March 21, 2010
India.nap.olis Doctors
Anyone from Indi.nap.olis out there? What doctor do you see? Are you happy with him/her? Just curious!
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